This weekend I've been up in Inverness at a retreat centre called Anam Cara for a 3-day intensive zen retreat led by Daizan. Going to Inverness for just 3 days seems a long way to go - especially when you decide (for financial reasons) to take the MegaBus (12hrs one way) - but it was well worth it. I was asked if I wanted to be Jikijitsu for the retreat - the master of ceremonies if you like, the person in charge of making it run as smoothly as possible - and I felt honoured. The retreat followed a slightly different format to the other more formal zen retreats (sesshins) I've been to. This time we paired up and sat opposite each other. During the meditation session one partner asked the question (koan) to the other "tell me, who are you?" and listened passively without judgement or expression to the other responding. We swapped every 5mins after the bell sounded. This, Daizan called partner sanzen.
The retreat timetable left very little time for idle thinking, and this was the whole point. Our time was scheduled from 6am through to 10:30pm with periods of partner sanzen, exercise, walking meditation (kinhin), and meal times - all in silence except for when you were responding to the question. And the kinhin was also slightly different - free form walking where you please, in the meditation hall (zendo) or around the grounds, sitting, standing or walking (not lying down!).
This retreat format (known as an "enlightenment intensive") was based on the work of Charles and Ava Berner an Australian meditation teacher from the 60s who supposedly worked out the ideal retreat format to create the conditions for awakening - to allow people to find their true nature as fast as possible. And I must say it seemed to work. I think pretty much everyone had some kind of break through! The schedule balanced periods of intense questioning followed by a more relaxed exercise or walking meditation period. This seemed to be the key. And the vocal emphasis in the partner sanzen meant that thoughts/feelings had to congeal to an extent that they could be expressed. This meant that what normally would be a sea of half-formed impressions and thoughts came vividly into focus as the layers of delusion peeled away. Who am I? Clearly "a human being" is not sufficient an answer, etc etc.
It's interesting that on a retreat like this, the reasoning, scientific mind is really what's in retreat. Trying to reason out the answer only hinders progress. Thoughts that usually help you piece together a view or solution from the available evidence stop coming! And when I try to remember what was coming up during those sanzen periods I find it very difficult. It feels like the memories were laid down on a different strata and to access them I need to return to that strata, that level of openness, maybe the beta or theta brain wave states. To begin with it felt like a certain amount of reasoning was needed to express the thoughts/feelings that formed in words, but as the retreat went on it became obvious that language formed directly from those beta wave thoughts (for lack of a better way of describing it) without needing the alpha wave state. I became utterly stupid! This feels like the reverse of what happens when you're reading a particularly difficult scientific paper...!
Anyway I've come back all ready and fired up to make and launch my website, write a CV and get out there to look for some more classes. My first two regular ones will be starting at ZenYoga in Camberwell on 8th and 9th May. Bring it on!
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