Like living in a big city, Christmas can often act to magnify loneliness. If we've got no one obvious to be with, what do we do? If family life is difficult, then spending concentrated time with family can seem like a nightmare. If we're a bit low on money, then how can we fulfil people's gift expectations?
For most of us with family, that's where we end up at this time of year (at one point or another). Maybe we end up seeing more family over Christmas than we do in the rest of the year combined! And no matter how lovely your family is, they do have this amazing ability to push (whether intentionally or not) your most sensitive buttons. The way your parents always bicker, the way your sister says things in a way that annoys you, the way your auntie and uncle are always late, etc, etc. All those decades of history… Old behaviour patterns pop up like a rash. Emotions like frustration, annoyance, aversion, even apathy or anger might bubble up and find ways of expressing themselves in ways you didn't expect (or that you did!).
By virtue of sharing your DNA, family members can often reflect your own traits, behaviours, or views. If it's a generous spirit, an enlightened political perspective, or great cooking skills, then fantastic! Appreciate what they've passed on to you via your genes and what you share. Sometimes, however, it can be traits or behaviours that you're not happy with, sides of yourself you're uncomfortable with. Perhaps even things in yourself that you've worked on changing because you recognised they're not healthy or wholesome ways of acting or thinking. And that can really get your back up!
This is where your daily yoga or meditation practice comes into it's own. On a basic level it provides you with that oasis of calm and quiet – giving you time out from the Christmas craziness. But it also provides an opportunity for you to see things for what they really are, to get some perspective on things. Was what I said just an old way of reacting to mum fussing over the right way of preparing the sprouts? Am I disengaging from the conversation because I don't like how disrespectful everyone's being to each other? Did I really need to eat that 3rd helping of Christmas pudding or was I giving in to greed and the attraction of the delicious flavour?
If you notice something like this happening, remember, don't be hard on yourself. Just notice, be aware, be still with it. Allow yourself to feel and 100% be with that Christmas pudding bulge as you lie in child's pose. Notice that tightness in the belly as you sit in meditation arising from your annoyance with your granddad's storing in front of the TV, and allow it to be there. Acknowledge and allow yourself to feel lonely if that's what's coming up.
Your practice is more important than ever over a period like Christmas, wherever you are and whatever you're doing. But circumstances often conspire against you. Even if you stay at home, a holiday and time off work means a change in routine which can easily put things out of kilter. Visiting family or having family visit can mean no quiet time by yourself, or having no suitable quiet, undisturbed space to go to. You can feel self-conscious of doing your practice in front of family or in someone else's house. Maybe you haven't got the right equipment (yoga mat, tracksuit, meditation cushion).
But in the end these are all excuses. Go and do some walking meditation in the park. Tell everyone not to interrupt you (or just don't respond to any interruptions). Be flexible about when you do your practice – try 3x10 mins instead of your usual 1x30mins. Make it an opportunity to experiment.
Above all, enjoy the opportunities this period brings for leaning and understanding more about yourself, for letting go, and being present with everyone, every feeling, and every event.
I wish you a contented, mindful and loving Christmas, and a happy new year.
